Jun 25 2012
1 Comment
Baseball

just let it ride and be satisfied

I wanted to cry about Lillibridge, of course. Like that kid sure did. Because I didn’t always love him, and I always wanted to hate him, but I totally wrote a blog about him at the beginning of the season.

Anyway, sorry there’s no full video available anymore. Nobody needs that dad to talk about it. That kid has it right. We’re all upset to lose Lilbitch for Youkilis.

My first instinct was to prove Kenny Williams wrong with math. First thing this morning I opened all the tabs I would begin to need and started writing down the Sox’s remaining schedule. And. That’s as far as I got.

if kenny williams had a son,
he would throw like this

Not really. I browsed his stats. I checked out how he did at division parks. Turns out he’s also not bad against the Yankees (.320 avg. ’09-’11) even at the new Yankee Stadium (.271, same) and we’ll be there 4 of our 7 remaining games against them.

I know, NYY ain’t our division. I just. Noticed that because we’ve got a lot to go with them.

So back to the division, Youk’s got a ways to go on those guys. We’ve got 8 more games at Target Field, and unless he can keep hitting like tonight (I mean I guess. .250 with a hit in the 8th and Paulie told him to fuck off second instead), it’s not going to be great. So far he’s hitting .250 off the Twins this season and that’s higher than his ’09-’11 average there.

pavano’s still on the DL.
for now.

Thing is, he’s decent against the Twins. Just. Back in Boston he was. .271. But other than this exact season, he’s not been any good at the Cell except an impressive 2007 turn of .375 in 16 ABs. So when we’ve got 10 games left against Detroit with 6 of them there, it doesn’t sate me to know he bats a…better .226 at Comerica.

get ready for another struggle snuggle

He bats .213 against KC and .160 at Kauffman on that 3-year average and he hasn’t even seen them yet in 2012. 9 of 12 face the Royals where they’re forced to call home. (I hear it’s a very nice park, akshuly. If anyone wants to buy me tickets to a game and plane tickets and pay for a nice hotel and rental car I’d be glad to verify that rumor.)

fine. i’ll stay in that hotel.
but i want a better section
than “ample seating.”

His stuff against Cleveland’s no better (.200; .135 @ Progressive) and he hasn’t seen them yet either. I’m willing to downplay this season’s numbers (except for at the Cell please God that gave us Hawk Harrelson let him keep hitting at his new home) because apparently he had…managerial issues that I’m hoping he won’t have with Ventura.

let’s only ever see each other in our rich people uniforms

But still. We’ll get four freebies out of him as our remaining 4 games against his old team are at Fenway. And he should put on a good show against the rest of them: Texas (6), Toronto (7), LAA (6), As (3), Os (4), Seattle (3), and the Rays (4). And since 70% of our remaining games look solid for him, I’m generally okay with it.

But what I saw tonight was incredibly interesting for probably the best reasons, even though I still wanted to cry about Lillibridge.

I noticed immediately that Alexei and Gordon were batting 8th & 9th, respectively.

sacks packed with sox
fantasy = fantasy

I’m not saying they shouldn’t. I know Ramierz is heating up, as he is wont to do; and I know that Beckham’s quick and smart on the paths. But with Orlando Hudson out of the everyday, those guys get to bat last.

Upset or no, I have to be impressed with something I doubted I’d ever see: the guys we pay to hit hitting. I know they took the loss tonight, and I’m sure Peavy wasn’t happy about it (he got his quality start and was never on hook for a win), but if we’re batting by paycheck, things are pretty well in line.

my therapist told me if i yell everything i hate about the world into my cap, my arms would stay healthy forever. forever.

Dollar for dollar, we’re getting what we pay for (which is almost at ’05 WS-levels, jussayin) by absolutely exploiting DeAza and letting our money boys take up the meat–and there’s no question we’re getting our money’s worth with Youkilis. You could push back cheap DeAza or [much more expensive] Viciedo and make Ramirez earn his keep, or you can just let it ride and be satisfied that Alexei more than fields his worth.

And I completely understand that Youkilis might fill some more seats, which Kenny keeps saying is so important, but I didn’t understand the shape of this move until I saw the lineup listed.

Now what do we do about the rotation…

youk for lilbitch?

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May 15 2012
1 Comment
Baseball, Player Gushing

He likes the night life. He likes to boogie.

Placido Polanco got his 2,000th career hit last night.  I believe his name is Spanish for “Serene Pumpkin Head”.

Be calm, like the water of a lazy stream. BONK.

2012 is the 36-year-old Dominican infielder’s 11th season as an everyday player in the Major Leagues.  He began his career with the Cardinals, went from St. Louis to Philadelphia, Philadelphia to Detroit, and from Detroit back to Philadelphia.  Between 2001 and 2011, Polanco led the league in fielding percentage in eight seasons.  Five times as a second baseman and three times as a third baseman.  Playing second for the Tigers, Placido received Gold Gloves in 2007 and 2009.  Last season, 2011, his work at third for the Phillies got him a third Gold Glove.  This made him the second player in Major League history to garner Gold Gloves at more than one position and the first to do so at multiple infield positions.  These numbers tell a part of the tale, but fail to paint a full portrait.

Placido Polanco is an honor to have on the field.  He is the baseball equivalent of a safety blanket.  Pitchers adore the guy.  There is nothing flashy about how he plies his trade.  It is rare to see anything that looks as though it required exceptional effort.  But, try to replace him with anyone else and the difference in the quality of play makes his worth starkly apparent.  If Placido’s career batting average hovered somewhere around .220 or .230 he would likely get 120 or 130 starts per season due entirely to his defensive acumen.

Sometimes he just knocks the ball down with his titanic melon.

You could likely guess, based on the first sentence of this piece, that his career batting average is significantly higher than that.  Before play begins today, May 15th, Polanco’s career average sits at .301.  At the plate, Placido does all the little things.  He might not get a hit, but he will move runners, he will work counts, and, if he does make an out, he makes the pitcher earn it.  The man very rarely strikes out.  In his entire career to date he has only been K’ed 494 times.  Polanco led the league in at-bats per strikeout for the three seasons from 2006-2008.  He has ranked 5th or higher on that list each season since.  Never in his career has he been lower than 7th.

Legend has it, and by “legend” I mean that I once heard Vin Scully tell this story, that during Spring Training while Polanco was still with the Cardinals, a young relative of Tony LaRussa was visiting camp.  The youngster asked TLR what he should do if he wanted to make it into the Majors.  Tony brought the kid out to the field where the Cardinals players were going through ground ball drills, pointed to Placido Polanco, and said, “Watch that guy.  Do everything he does.”  As Vin put it, “So, that’s what he thinks of him.”

Tony LaRussa has forgotten more about baseball than you will ever even pretend to know.

Placido got to 1,999 hits two games prior to getting number 2,000.  During the game in between, against the Padres, he was twice robbed of a hit.  Last night, in his first three plate appearances, he walked once and reached base twice by fielder’s choice.  In his fourth plate appearance he decided to leave nothing to chance and put a 1-0 fastball from David Carpenter into the seats in left-center.  He received hugs from some teammates in the dugout and gave the crowd the curtain call they demanded.  Overall, he seemed sort of bashful about the whole thing.  Which is in keeping with his character.

Placido Polanco is not a superstar.  He is not a Hall of Famer.  He is not an MVP candidate.  He is not flamboyant.  He is not outspoken.  He shows up.  He does whatever he can to help the team win.  He goes home.  It would be laughably inaccurate to call him a utility infielder.  In the real world, anyway.  What I will say is that Placido Polanco will always be THE all-time utility infielder of my heart.

Though his playing career is nearing its end, I don’t think that will be the last we see of Polanco in uniform.  I bet he will make some franchise very happy as a manager.  I mean, think of all the baseball knowledge he has stored in that enormous cranium.

I seriously cannot understate the mass of this man’s skull.

Way to go, Polly.

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May 07 2012
1 Comment
Baseball, Player Trashing

If Not For the Good Why Risk Falling?

Cole.  We need to talk.  You have been my man-crush/baseball-boyfriend since 2007.  That was your breakout year statistically and also the year that I fell for you.  We’ve had some hiccups.  We’ve hit some bumps in the road.  But, it was never anything that was a threat to our relationship.  This time it is different.

“Come on, we can work it out.  Right?”

No, Cole.  Not this time.  And don’t flash that smile.  Don’t look at me with those… just so dreamy eyes.  What happened Sunday night was too much.  You drilled Bryce Harper with a 93mph fastball.  He turned and it caught him in the small of the back.  It was his first at-bat against you.  And you plugged him.

You know I hate that part of the game.  The part where machismo overrides anything like common sense and pitchers intentionally throw at batters.  Why risk injuring a guy just to put a runner on base?  It cannot help the ball club win a game.  It’s just mean-spirited and childish.  But, we expect it from our men sometimes.  That’s not why I have to break things off.

“Then what it is? What’s wrong?”

Colbert Michael Hamels!  Don’t you try to trick me with your impressive physical capabilities.  Don’t treat me like you do those hitters.  You know exactly what is wrong.  Being interviewed after the game, you admitted that you targeted Harper.  While I do not espouse the ideology behind throwing at hitters, I do accept it as a part of the game.  One of those “unwritten rules”.  Another is that pitchers don’t admit they intentionally hit a batter.  Because, if a pitcher is believed, or known, to have hit plunked a batter maliciously, that pitcher gets suspended.  So, thanks to your hubristic admission of guilt, you have been suspended 5 games.

And for what?  Harper hustled from first to third on a single by Jayson Werth in the next at-bat.  Then STOLE HOME on you giving Washington a 1-0 lead in the bottom of the first.  Whatever message you meant to send, whether on the part of the team or yourself,  you are the one who looked foolish.

It doesn’t matter to me that we won the game.  I know that you knuckled down and didn’t give up another run through the remainder of your 8 innings.  What matters to me is that you got yourself suspended at a time when the Phillies have been unable to get above .500 with you in the rotation.  And now you’ll miss a start.  It hurt the ball club.   And there was no way it could have helped.  That is why I have to break things off.  All put together it is just too much.

“But… What am I going to do now?”

You’ll be fine.  We’ll both move on.  I don’t want you to stop pitching for the Phillies.  I hope you retire with the team.  You are a fantastically talented pitcher and, if possible, you seem to still be improving and honing your skills.  I will never forget your well deserved LCS and WS MVP awards from ’08.  You were the star of the team’s run to the title.  You’ll always be in my heart.  But it is time for me to move on.

On that note, if you have a suggestion as to who should be my new man-crush/baseball-boyfriend, please leave a comment!

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May 07 2012
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Baseball, Player Gushing

Yu Darvish Is A Big, Bad Man

On December 19th, 2011, the Texas Rangers agreed to pay the Hokkaido Nippon-Ham Fighters $51.7 million for the rights to negotiate with 25-year-old pitcher, Yu Darvish.  Should Darvish and the Rangers have been unable to come to terms on a contract to bring the Japanese-born right-hander  to the United States, Texas would not have been obligated to pay the $51.7 million and Darvish would have pitched the 2012 season in Japan.  $51.7 million is still, however, quite a bit of money to pay merely for the privilege of talking to a player and his representatives.

Yu Darvish did sign with the Texas Rangers on January 18th, 2012.  He accepted a 6-year, $56 million contract.  The Rangers will pay $5.5 million in 2012, $9.5 million in 2013, $10 million in 2014, $10 million in 2015, $10 million in 2016, and $11 million in 2017.  Bonus millions await the young pitcher if he can garner regular and postseason awards as well as receiving high votes in Cy Young and MVP balloting.  Darvish can activate a player-option to become a free agent in 2017 should he be able to finish 1st in Cy Young voting once and 2nd through 4th once, or 2nd in Cy Young voting once and 2nd through 4th twice before the 2017 season.

PAID

The Texas Rangers invested more than $100 million to sign a pitcher who had never competed professionally in the United States.  The organization did this because Yu Darvish had been a champion at every level at which he had pitched.  They did it because he had been pitching in Japan’s highest professional league since he was 18.    They did it because, through 7 seasons in Nippon Professional Baseball, he had compiled a record of 98-38 with an ERA just barely under 2.00.  They did it because they believed these facts would translate to a stable, consistent number two pitcher at the Major League level.  At least.

I think they were right.

THEM WHAT COME BEFORE

Previous to Yu Darvish there had been two comparably hyped Japanese pitchers who made the trip across the Pacific to join Major League clubs; Hideo Nomo in 1995 at 26 years old with the Dodgers and Daisuke Matsuzaka in 2007 at 26 years old with the Red Sox.  Neither was worth the frenzy, but Nomo had a very solid career.  In his second season he became, and remains, the only pitcher to throw a no-hitter at Coor’s Field.  Which, at that altitude, is quite noteworthy.  In his debut for the Red Sox in April of 2001, Nomo added another no-hitter, pitching against the Orioles.

These were flashes of brilliance.  Hideo Nomo could not sustain that level of pitching over a full campaign.  In an 11(and change) season career in Major League Baseball, only once did he finish a season with an ERA under 3.00.  Only during 4 seasons did he maintain an ERA under 4.00.  For his career, Nomo was 123-109 with a 4.24 ERA.  Though he twice led the league in strikeouts (once in his rookie season), Nomo never won 20 games.  He never won a Cy Young award.  He was only once voted an All-Star (also his rookie season).  Hideo Nomo was good.  Occasionally really good.  But he was not great.

Daisuke Matsuzaka is a different, sadder tale.  Even without the “gyro ball” of legend, Matsuzaka has shown that he has special talents.  I do not believe that I have seen a pitcher so stingy after allowing himself to get into a bases-loaded situation.  From the start of the 2008 season through June of the 2010 season, Daisuke faced 34 batters with the bases loaded.  In that span he allowed one hit.  That included a game against Kansas City in which he faced 6 batters with the sacks packed and conceded two runs without giving up a hit.  Underlying those unique statistics, obviously, is the reality that Matsuzaka was prone to allowing men to reach base.  In quantity.  Largely due to his propensity to issue walks.

In 2007 and 2008, his first seasons in the Majors, Daisuke Matsuzaka posted a record of 33-15 with an ERA of 3.72.  Starting in 2009 his arm began to fall apart.  From the beginning of that season through the middle of May 2011, Daisuke started only 44 games for the Red Sox, going 16-15 with a 5.03 ERA.  He was then placed on the DL.  In early June of 2011, the Red Sox announced that Matsuzaka would undergo Tommy John surgery.  He is expected to be prepared for a return to the bigs within the next month.  I sincerely hope that Daisuke excels in the remainder of his career in Major League Baseball, but I cannot say that I consider that to be a probable eventuality.

WHY YU DARVISH MIGHT BE DIFFERENT

First, the Rangers have a different approach to pitching than many other MLB clubs.  Nolan Ryan believed that teams had started “babying” their pitchers.  To Ryan’s thinking, the League had become too concerned with pitch counts and limiting their pitchers’ activities between starts.  In 2009, in an effort to buck that trend, Nolan Ryan’s Rangers invited a man named Allen Jaeger to work with their pitchers during Spring Training.  Jaeger preaches a system that encourages pitchers to engage in different activities rather than limited activities between starts.  A key component of this system is the “long toss”.  Essentially, long toss is playing catch from as great a distance as one can comfortably throw the baseball.

Though I think it folly to believe there is any one system that is best for each and every pitcher, the system Jaeger encourages is much more similar to the way Japanese ball clubs treat their starters than it is to the way MLB clubs treat theirs.  It has been argued, I would say legitimately, that a significant contributor to the injury problems Daisuke Matsuzaka has endured in his time with the Red Sox is that he was forced to adopt a drastically different between-start regimen than that to which his body had become accustomed.  And, from what I have read, pitchers who follow Jaeger’s methodology have been less prone to injury of their pitching arm than the average starter in the Major Leagues.

Second, Yu Darvish is different.  His win-percentage and ERA in Japan were remarkably better than both Hideo Nomo and Daisuke Matsuzaka’s.  I knew this before seeing Darvish make his Major League debut.  Something I had been unaware of before Darvish’s first start for the Rangers was his size.  He is big.  6’5″, 215lbs.  Even the Japanese pitchers are bigger in Texas.

“Are you trying to talk to me? I can barely hear you down there, Mike.”

This man is a power-pitcher.  I have seen him hit 98 mph with his four-seamer.  But, Darvish also boasts a two-seam fastball, a change-up, and an all-world curveball.  That curve comes out of his hand looking like a fastball and then breaks about two feet.  It takes phenomenal talent or luck on the hitter’s part to not look foolish with a swing and a miss when Darvish is locating his curveball in two-strike counts.  He can throw each of his pitches at varying speeds with multiple arm-angles.  From what I have seen, the man has, essentially, 15 different pitches.

In Darvish’s first start for the Rangers he struggled early against the Mariners.  He gave up 4 runs in the first inning and 1 in the second.  By the close of the second inning Darvish had settled down.  Even having thrown over 40 pitches in the first Darvish managed to last into the sixth inning, not having allowed any runs to cross the plate after the 5 from the early part of the game.  He exited after 5.2 to a deserved standing ovation from the friendly crowd in Arlington.  Thanks to the Rangers’ ability to score 11 runs to that point, he still notched a win despite the shaky start.

I found out something else about the man during his first start.  This was from a friend who is a Rangers fan.  Not from the Texas commentators or any of the other media that had somehow failed to relay this story.  Back in 2007, Darvish got a woman pregnant.  As I understand it, they have pretty strict gun-control laws in Japan, so I am not sure if they have the shotguns necessary for a “shotgun wedding”.  Regardless, Yu Darvish married the woman.

This woman. Maybe… a shotgun was not necessary.

Saeko and Darvish would go on to have another child before getting divorced.  Earlier this year.  Right after he signed his big ol’ American contract.  Welcome to the US of A, kid.  We don’t give a shit what you do off the field so long as you can perform on it and at least pretend to feel bad about doing your dirt.

Another interesting little tidbit.  As his name might have already suggested to those of you out there with global knowledge, Yu Darvish is not 100% Japanese.  His mother is Japanese.  His father is Iranian.  They met while attending college in the United States.  As the saying goes, “…there that is.”

Anyway, Darvish did not allow more than 1 earned run in any of his remaining 4 starts in April.  Texas won each game.  In five starts to begin his Major League career, Darvish went 4-0 with a 2.18 ERA.  In each outing, he struggled to locate his four-seam fastball.  First-pitch strikes have remained elusive.  That trend continued in his sixth start yesterday against the Indians.

Darvish was opposed by Ubaldo Jimenez and, from the outset, the two of them seemed to be having a competition to see who could have the least control of his fastball and still manage not to give up any runs.  Darvish lost that side-game and was tagged for four runs (three earned) in six innings.  Much like his first start, that he made it that late in the game is a testament to his ability as he ran up a pretty high pitch count early.  He also managed to strike out 11 batters.  Wrap your noodle around that.  The only pitch he had consistent control of was his curveball.  He rarely managed a first-pitch strike and he still struck out 11.  The man is talented.  Unfortunately, the Rangers were not able to bail him out this time as they had been in his first start.  The Rangers fell to the Tribe 4-2.  So, Darvish has been saddled with the first loss of his career in Major League Baseball.   He stands at 4-1 with a 2.54 ERA.  Very respectable numbers.

I believe that Darvish is close to getting a handle on his fastball.  And when he can start locating his four-seamer and two-seamer for first-pitch strikes, the American League is in trouble.  Big, bad trouble.  I think it safe to say that we have yet to see Darvish’s best.  As such, I suggest you watch as much of this young righty as you can.  Who knows?  Someday you may be watching a Hall of Fame induction with the grandchildren telling them, “I saw him pitch way back when…”

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May 01 2012
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you know the difference and the number does not

Pitch counts are like calories: they’re not uniform, but they still mean something.

The topic is polarizing, and I obviously have my side.  And it is closeish to Lasorda’s, but the honest truth is that I absolutely love pitch counts.  It’s probably as superficial as the fact that it’s a number, and I love numbers, so logically I love a pitch count. It’s logical like not throwing at a guy.

I agree with Lasorda’s conservative opposition to limiting expectations and lowering standards–holding the boys back.  Of course, I own Verlander (in my fantasy.  On my fantasy.  Team.) and I wanted his opening day complete game.  I don’t own Valverde, and I didn’t care that it was his opening day too.

My biggest opposition to limiting pitches is personal responsibility.  Detroit’s first game of the season was Verlander’s to lose.  Not Valverde’s save to blow and game to win.

Pitch counts are simply an indicator–and certainly not the ONLY indicator.  Just an indicator of facts.  Like I said, it’s a number and I love it very much.

Secret’s out: I love ESPN’s fantasycast.  I usually watch it in conjunction with a game or MLB’s gameday or whatever, but it always gives me a pitch count and nothing else always does.

Earlier today I glanced and saw a guy (not mine) at 16 pitches with two out in the 7th inning.  I thought, “that’s probably pretty good.”  Because there’s no logical proof in which he could’ve been the starter.  So I can easily correctly assume he’s a reliever, and maybe less easily and correctly, 16′s not bad, probably.

That was my entire bullshit assessment.  Didn’t even check to see how he’d done with those 16 pitches.

these guys have a plan

But that’s the beauty of it; that’s what I love: what a pitch count can tell you.  You can divide the count by innings pitched and find an average per inning, for the fun of it.  After that, meander around to count the pitches per inning and see where they were heavy.  That can lend insight.  I’m not paid to do all of that, so I don’t.  But if I were, I would probably love it.  Numbers that don’t necessarily mean anything more than they do.  But could.

I’m qualified to write about pitch counts because I obsess over the 2K MLB games during the winters.  And also I play catch, and I’m fully aware of the gaining and losing control that occurs from continuously throwing.  I get all of that.  And I understand when gameday shoots out a “scout” report of my pitcher not doing historically great past the 57 pitch mark or some bullshit like that.  But seriously, there must be a wall.

it's hard to catch a ball while you're realizing
it rhymes with wall

I think that wall is what Lasorda’s getting at.  Because you gotta practice how you play.

My band had a show this weekend, and we practiced hard harder and hardest for a straight month.  Our show was Saturday, and the lead up resulted in practice Monday, Wednesday, Friday AND Saturday before the show.

making music murder look easy and whoooorish

I was making Polish dinner with my roommate Thursday night, and I was uncharacteristically unable to open the jar of sauerkraut.  Not only that, but I couldn’t pull the plastic apart to free the pierogi.  My roommate had to do both.  And it was worth it: he felt like a man, and we both ate like kings.  Polish kings.

pierogi fest: come for the food
stay for the FAMILY BEER GARDEN

Anyway, at Saturday practice, we blew through the whole show, did the two-song opener and the closer, and reblew through the show.  Mere hours before PLAYING THE SHOW.  After having done a similar session the night before.

When I sat for the sound check, my right foot was slammin at double-bass pace from the sheer adrenaline and sobriety.  A beer-and-a-shot in and my arms forgot I’d already ruined them for life.  The Letter Girl took the stage and murdered music so hard high school band directors state-wide actually GAINED a sexual experience for every drumline they’d used as the punchline to a cowardly, low-hanging “joke.”  You’re welcome.

you wear that shirt like it's a hymen

When I woke up the next morning, hungry, hungover, and already nappy, the only thing I REALLY wanted to do was smash drums.  It was the only thing I thought I might be capable of.

Today my arms felt stronger and uselesser than ever.  Hopefully it won’t last too long, but drums are probably the only thing my hands are capable of right now.  Not opening doors or carrying multiple objects.  They’re programmed to destroy.

My suspicion is that pitching is a lot like that.  When you do it well on repeat, you program your body with a specific function.  And once it’s used to it, that’s what it’s good at.  Even if nothing else.

why. would i ask anyone to
open a condiment jar for me?
I AM MISTER PERFECT.
i can do it myself.

So, yeah.  If you’ve lost your steam, you know it’s gone.  You can feel it.  And if you’re just a bit jumpy for a second, you know the difference.  And the number does not.

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Apr 23 2012
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do more winning

My username is whiteliketv.  I initially typed whitesox to get into the blog.  Big mistake.  Er whatever.

My White Sox are playing Oakland tonight.  By watching MLB AtBat, my brain heard Hawk say, “Oh, Paulie, dassmean” when he backed up Dunn’s homer with one of his own.  I’ve been doing this awful terrible thing when I watch AtBat alone: I fill in my own “play-by-play.”  Hawk’s way, basically.

 

drunk. and creepy. and wearing a hawk mask--just like hawk does.

 

Of course, I like when my Sox play the A’s.  It’s kinda like when we play Seattle.  Or Baltimore.  Unless they win the series because they’re pretty good at the time.  Or Kansas City for the same reason.  And not really, because I like good baseball.  So I really do like when the Royals put up a good fight.  I don’t even mind if they win if my Sox played well.  But when it’s the A’s, the game’s just more fun.

When they’re playing the A’s, you can watch Paulie put it on the board–yes–immediately after Dunn has gone yard.  On Bartolo Colon.

 

because fuck him

 

But you also get  a ton of excitement.  The A’s are unpredictable.  I never have them on my fantasy team for that reason.  They will win you big or they will lose you so hard.

Secretly, the A’s were my other team as a kid.  And back then, it wasn’t secret because I am a girl and I like their colors and also Ricky Henderson is faster than Conseco is scary and I don’t care about standings or playoffs if it means watching the A’s OR the Sox.  I’m in.

 

they're just babies


Like tonight I watched some guy take eight straight pitches for strikes.  Never.  A ball.  Against Jake Peavy.  I mean.  Peavy was being super-efficient up to that point.  Then forever with the fouls.  Amazing.

Maybe that’s not exactly exciting.  But the A’s always seem to have exciting guys.  One or two, maybe.  But fun stuff.  And I always enjoy watching my team play a fun game.

This brings me back to my point of misconstruing my e-identity with the White Sox: I’m a homer.

That photo of AJ looking stupid with some hot chick and photosHawk creepin was from heavethehawk.  And that’s just ridiculous.  Sure, I turn my TV off when he gets too stupid about the impact of sound on a player, but I love that he loves the White Sox–even if he didn’t know how to show it as the worst GM.

Hawk’s been a voice in every summer of my life, and I didn’t even realize other people didn’t know “You can put it on the board–YES!!!” until I said it once in college to a friend from St. Louis.  But I’m sure I don’t know some of her life-long catchphrases either.

 

mostly i just know jokes about this guy's last name. and do they even apply any more? also, mark mcgwire forever.

 

And I can’t really tell if heavethehawk is serious (I didn’t read the “manifesto.”) because I understand how awful it can be to not hear anything while the Sox are losing.  Or to hear about stupid stuff when he’s too drunk to notice the Sox are losing.

And maybe this year our Sox–mine and Hawk’s–will do more winning, so the angry silences don’t become a problem.

 

if there aren't any more in the fridge, we've found our problem

 

Because if you turn Hawk off, you might miss that “It’s about attitude” that you drunkenly slur at your friends while criticizing the troublesome youths or at a meandering pigeon on the bridge.

And  you could just as easily miss Stone Pony saying, “Nick Punto will be the first to tell you: a normal size man makes that play.”

Hawk: ooodasscold.

*This was all an amazing effort to avoid mentally acknowledging Peavy’s potential shutout.  Success.
**But it’s all part of my belief that your baseball heart belongs to your childhood; you’re just carrying it through time.

Apr 16 2012
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prove it: or why i don’t believe in extra innings

I say “prove it” a lot.  Mostly joking.  About things that can’t be proven.

I recently went to this really cool event by Elements Chicago about Faith and Believing featuring a panel including a Buddhist, an Atheist, a Christian, and a Muslim.  It was fascinating, and the only guy who was a dick was the atheist; his response to every question no one asked was “prove it.”  And he wasn’t joking.

The only proof I need for God is baseball.  Baseball is perfect by design, but WHO DID THAT???

this guy

My White Sox blew it tonight.  In the 10th.  So am I going to admit that Baltimore won with six runs in the first extra inning?  No.  Because I don’t believe in extra innings.

Extra innings challenge the existence of God.

Baseball is perfect, in part, because of it’s complete and total control and definition of time.  In baseball, time is simply measured in outs.  You don’t get extras.  There aren’t seven outs in an inning, so how can there possibly be more than nine innings to a game?

If you can’t win a game of baseball in 9 innings, you didn’t win that game.

alomar is annoyed by the suggestion that the marlins' "historic" comeback be taken seriously.

Maybe there are a lot of things Ventura could’ve done differently to maintain control of the game–to ensure the win.  I’m not arguing that the White Sox should’ve won the game.  I’m saying neither team won.  In nine innings.

We don’t need points like hockey.  Mark it as a loss.  Both sides.

You wanna win this game?  Prove it.

*I’m fully aware of the fact that I’m the only person who holds this opinion, and I’m also privy to the “free baseball” argument.

Apr 09 2012
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THE WHOLE SITUATION IS DIFFERENT

Here’s an interactive post for the very vocal Cubs fans–put on your screamin’ cape; it’s gonna get real visual up in this!!!

As you should already know, I’m a life-long White Sox fan.  And to prove it, I have an ’83 era cap.  Not because that’s “the best era,” but because it’s the best design.

Anyone who knows me knows I’m not “fashion forward.”  I usually have to go back to my house when I get to the bus stop and realize my shirt’s backwards and inside out, and my shoes are on the other feet, and also they don’t match, and also they’re not my shoes.

So when I wear my Sox cap EVERY DAY, it’s an actual statement, not a fashion statement.  My Sox cap tells the world “I LOVE BASEBALL.”  If I wanted to tell the world “I HATE BASEBALL BUT I LOVE LOOKING CUTE,” I’d wear a Cubs hat every day.

Yet for some reason, every Cubs “fan” who doesn’t know me approaches me as if my cap says “I know nothing about ‘sports’ but I do know about fonts and this is the one I wanted on top of my head–LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS!”

sometimes one cap just isn't enough

Did you just scream “SOX???”  If you did, you’re probably wearing a Cubs cap.  Backwards.  Facing the sun.  Squinting.  That’s cool.  I couldn’t understand you through the slurring anyway.

I wear this cap all the time.  So long as it’s not Blackhawks stevedore cap weather, I’ve got my Sox cap on.

If you’re a baseball fan, and I assume you are since that’s exactly what this whole site is obsessing over, then you know my White Sox didn’t play “Opening Day.”  So how badly could my “Opening Day” have gone, with no chance of my team registering its first loss of the season?

i wear my cap when i register my fast ball on the speed gun. in public. definitely drunk.

First baseball talk I had that morning was, of course, a Cubs fan.  He said to me, “Sox?  They’re not even going to make .500 this year.”

Again, I’m not just a girl, I’m also a baseball fan.  So.  Your big fancy numbers don’t frighten me (for the record, I also love math…so…).

“First, they didn’t make .500 last season.  And second, I think they might.”  I’m not going to say they WILL, but I really like my team this season, and I think they’re going to be fine.  I think they might even do better than fine.

I’m not a Cubs fan, though.  So my thinking has actually been thought.  Not just felt or overheard or misunderstood.  We can talk all day about why I like my team and why they’ve inspired hope.  In fact, maybe I’ll do that next post.  For now, this is about my White Sox cap.

i wear it at wrigley. where the "gentlemen" behind me pretend to curbstomp my head. hilariously.

Quick refresher for Cubs fans out there: your team lost the first game.  I’m not going to go through all the specifics just yet.  But your team lost.  That game.  They did.  Fact.

So I live my full day after being confronted first thing in the morning about my team not making .500 this year (probably without knowing that my team didn’t make it last year).  I go out with a friend, we’re at this bar on the west side, and some idiot in full Cubs gear saunters up to us and says, “How can you wear a Sox cap?”

“Because my team didn’t lose to the NATIONALS today.”

That was mostly all it took.  And then he asked if I wanted to buy purple weed and I didn’t and he stumbled back whence he came.

And I knew, full well, that my team would be on the field the next day.  And that there was every chance that my team would lose.

i wear my cap with my only friend who's sad enough to be both a baseball fan and a cubs fan :(

Next day: my White Sox lost.  TO THE RANGERS.

And that was mostly my point.  I mean, sure, if you’re gonna lose, you should lose to the worst team in baseball (the Nats.  Not the 2x defending AL champs.  Since already a Cubs fan asked if I think the Rangers are the worst team in baseball).  But still.  I watched that sad game.  I watched Kerry Wood live down to expectation.

I listened to my Sox play the next day.  Stuck in traffic, staring down the Cell.  I cheered perhaps too loudly for Alexei’s game-tying RBI.  I heard them lose.  By the same margin that the Cubs had the day before.

i wear my cap at pride

The thing is, not only are the games–and the results–different, but also THE WHOLE SITUATION IS DIFFERENT.

I wear my Sox cap every day.  I imagine there are a lot of Cubs fans who wear their caps every day too.  Whether they just like the cute little bear or actually hope for their team’s success, I’m sure there are plenty of Cubs fans who put that cap on every day.

And I NEVER go up to any of them.  Not just because it’s safe to assume that they won’t understand a word I’m saying to them because my communication is littered with baseball-jargon like “win” and “save” and “base on balls” and “baseballs.”

I don’t go up to them because, if they are actual baseball fans, I don’t want to spiral into depression.  That’s fine if that’s what they’re into, but there’s enough actual sadness in the world that I don’t need to fabricate feelings about a poorly-run “baseball” team.

i wear my sox cap when i get into barfights with cubs "fans" in the loop

So I’m telling Nacko and Rock about my Opening Day experiences with these aggressive/ignorant Cubs strangers.  We’re standing outside the Annoyance, laughing over a cigarette.  I’m explaining that this will probably be the topic of my next post.  And some guy with his friends, none of them wearing anything sports-related–the guy was in a tank top and those baggy jean shorts that remind you how small his dick must be–walks past and angrily shouts “FUCKING WHITE SOX.”

Why?  He didn’t even come up to me.  He didn’t even confront me about my cap.  But he was obviously reacting to my cap.  Why else would the White Sox come to mind to shout about at that very moment?

Here’s the answer: this season, as my team is reportedly “rebuilding,” Cubs fans want me to feel like a Cubs fan.

i wear my cap when i'm smuggling myself out of wrigleyville

But not feeling like a Cubs fan is very near the root of me not BEING a Cubs fan.  I’m not interested in that “feeling.”

I’m actually into baseball.  And being into baseball AND the Cubs would be incredibly depressing.  To me.

There are so many reasons that I’m hopeful for this season.  I’m excited about Ventura; I’m excited about our young guys; I’m superinto our starting rotation AND our pen.  I know what I’m looking at when I look at my Sox team this year, and I know that there is nothing that is known, but I also know that there’s a lot to hope for.  Not even to mention the division!!!

i wear my cap in texas after getting my toes done while standing in a circle about it

So, if you’re a Cubs fan, I hope you had fun yelling at your monitor.  And if you’re Sox fan, I’m sure you identified with my experience.  And if you’re a fan of any team, I hope you’re not offended by a Phils cap.  Because that’s the next cap I’m committing to.  And it’s the cap I hope Cubs fans can stop themselves from assaulting me about.

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Apr 05 2012
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Picks to Click!

Time to start making some predictions.

THE CUBS WILL SUCK.

Do I really need to go into detail here?  Fine.

The life cycle of a Cubs fan

But despite their suckage,

THE BREWERS WILL FINISH FOURTH.

The only one pictured who could count to four moved to Detroit.

Not first, as the many-headed-moron known as “ESPN” seems to think.  Sure they’ll probably poke around 2nd place for the first half, threaten either the Cards or Reds, but unless they make some aggressive trades this year, or perhaps the smart signing or two (Roy Oswalt, anyone?) then by the end of the season the plucky Cubs or Buccos will have outpaced this squad.  Wanna’ see what Ryan Braun can do without steroids  Prince Fielder in the lineup?  Thanks to Fielder’s somewhat remarkable durability, this has only happened a handful of times in Braun’s career

RB: Time for swing-swing!  Pick up heavy stick!  Princey!  Princey!  Come pick up heavy stick for Braunie!  Time for swing-swing runaround!

(Brewers manager Ron Roenicke): Now, Ryan, remember we talked about this?  Princey had to go away.  He’s on the other side of the big water now.  With kitties!

RB (with tears welling): But Princey promised he’d always be with me… He’s supposed to protect Braunie!  We fly kites and tell stories!  Nooooooooo!

Artist rendering

Ahhhh, Braun bashing.  Ain’t nothin’ sweeter.

Some thoughts jotted down as I basked in the glory of the Cardinals 4-1 victory over the Fish-Pimps (which is what they’re calling themselves now, right?)

  • Little known fact, but “Bonafacio” is Spanish for “Boner-Face”

    I got yer' "bonifacio" right here...

  • You can pack a park full of Marlins fans, but apparently that still won’t get them to cheer for Muhammad Ali without a pathetic sounding plea for enthusiasm from the stadium announcer.  Show a little respect, Miami!  Turn down the volume in the nightclub (and the lime green walls) and stand up for the man.
  • Be good in life, kiddies, or you might be reincarnated as a fish in one of those backstop fishtanks.
  • Matt Holiday’s all too human performance in the three hole (0-5 with two K’s) only underscores the point that Cards fans haven’t seen a human being bat third since Tino Martinez was booed out of town.
  • Hearing Bud talk baseball as the ESPN clowns lick his Selig-Sack only makes me wish Vin Scully was the Commish.  Can you imagine?  A real baseball fan running baseball?  Life just isn’t that fair, unfortunately.

"Ugh! Right in the bonifacio!"

Speaking of that interview (during the middle innings of last night’s game), Bud began prattling on at one point about how proud he was that baseball has enjoyed now “twenty one years of labor peace.”  I didn’t realize I was so bad at maths, but I sure do feel old knowing kids born in 1994 can, apparently, buy booze.

One final note as I head off into the mundane, “real” world.  It truly saddens me that we never got to hear Harry Caray utter the name “Asdrubal Cabrera.”  Would have been pure poetry.

The statue's B.A.C. was four times the legal limit.

The day is finally upon us, kiddos!  BASEBALL!

-Ted

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Mar 29 2012
2 Comments
Baseball, Player Trashing

Lefty out in the cold

On March 20th, the Orioles signed Dontrelle Willis.  The notion is that he will be used as a lefty specialist.  This is the same notion the Phillies entertained before they released the pitcher formerly known as ‘The D-Train’ four days prior.  The thought that Willis could pitch at the Major League level in this capacity springs from the numbers he put up last season with the Reds.  Those numbers being a 1-6 record and a 5.00 ERA in 13 starts.  Confused?  You should be.  In putting up such violently below average numbers Dontrelle shut down lefties.  To the tune of a paltry .127 average against.

Those were numbers put up during games Willis started.  But, starters and relievers have different jobs because they have different skill sets.  Some starters can make the transition to the bullpen.  Generally, these pitchers are referred to by people familiar with the sport as “failed starters”.   Pitchers who never really had the stuff necessary to make it through a big-league lineup multiple times.  Dontrelle Willis is not one of those pitchers.

Willis was drafted out of high school by the Cubs, already a sign of foreboding.  During Spring Training in 2002 he was traded from the Cubs minor league system to the Florida Marlins.  For Matt Clement and Antonio Alfonseca.  Another dark omen.  I know it may be insensitive, but I view anything that touches Alfonseca as cursed.

Within days that Sharpie’s entire family had died under mysterious circumstances.

In 2003, Dontrelle Willis became “The D-Train”.  He had pitched his way into the starting rotation and wasted little time proving that was exactly where he belonged.  After a rocky go of it in his third start, Willis rattled off wins in his next seven consecutive outings.  Despite seeming to succumb to fatigue going down the stretch, Dontrelle established himself in the minds of passing fans and experts alike as a legitimate phenom.  A formidable lefty that hitters would have the misfortune of facing for more than a decade to come.  Not even his, and I will be kind here, lackluster performance in the playoffs shook the foundation of the idea that the D-Train was here to stay.  Hey, the Marlins got rings that year.  What possible trouble was there to see?

Not pictured: the trouble there was to see.

Dontrelle got worse towards the end of the season.  A lot worse.  2 full runs of ERA worse.  Through July of ’03 he pitched himself to a 2.50 mark.  His average in his August and September starts was 4.55.  And that was just the regular season.  His playoff ERA was over 8.  That came mostly in games in which Willis pitched out of the bullpen.

2004 was not as shining as 2003.  A record of 10-11 with an ERA over 4.  But, 2005, children.  Oh, 2005.  2005 would, unfortunately, prove to be the culmination of Dontrelle Willis’ career.  He posted a meager 2.63 ERA.  His record, 22-10 over 34 starts, is skewed by the fact that in 12 of his games the Marlins failed to score three or more runs.  His overall line that year is the stuff pitchers dream of.  But that was where the wave crested.  The rest was slowly watching the tide roll out.  He was 24 years old.

Over the 2006 and 2007 seasons Dontrelle Willis went 22-27 with an ERA of about 4.5.  A viciously mediocre performance for a losing team.  After the 2007 season, the Marlins traded Dontrelle and Miguel Cabrera to the Tigers as part of what is generally referred to as a “fire sale”.

That was when the D-Train started ballooning physically.  I joked that it wouldn’t take long before he could no longer use his signature high leg-kick because he wouldn’t be able to get his leg over his gut.  That stopped being a joke when it actually came true.  Dontrelle Willis always had an unorthodox delivery.   But, in the early days, it worked for him.  To speak in a broad stroke, it will be difficult for a pitching coach to help a pitcher adjust a bizarre delivery as their general idea would probably be, “Don’t pitch like that.  At all.”  So, not being able to use the motion that had got him to the Majors and failing to make adjustments that worked, things unraveled quickly. The brakes on the D-Train had been cut and the tracks had been greased.  In 2009, the Tigers twice placed Dontrelle Willis on the Disabled List for an anxiety disorder.

In June of 2010, the Tigers traded Dontrelle to the Diamondbacks in exchange for a pitcher I’ve never heard of.  One month later, the Diamondbacks cut Willis.  Though he signed a contract with the Giants, Dontrelle Willis never pitched for them in the Majors.  He would resurface with Reds in 2011.  And that brings us, more or less, to the situation at hand.

In my experience, starting pitchers with the talent to maintain a career at the top level have trouble coming out of the bullpen.  There is a routine and a rhythm to starting that is not a luxury afforded to relievers.  I have a feeling of dread every time a team I am rooting for puts in a starter from the pen during the playoffs.  I find that starters often have trouble with control when coming out of the pen.  I blame the abbreviated warm-up relievers are permitted as compared to starters.  Which, for those keeping track at home, is a matter of minutes versus a matter of hours.

Stuff was not the problem for Dontrelle Willis.  He had stuff.  And plenty of it.  His motion was deceptive and his pitches were explosive.  There were times his curveball would have been more at home in a cartoon than it was in reality.  So what happened?

I believe Dontrelle Willis was too naturally gifted.  He used that bizarre motion to dominate every level of baseball he was given the chance to.  But, when you are a natural talent, when it doesn’t take your full effort to attain greatness, it is possible not to learn to apply that maximum effort.  I can’t speak to what actually happened to Dontrelle Willis.  I don’t want to cast dispersions on the man because I don’t know him or his problems.  But the numbers, both statistical and physical, say he might have had a problem with devoloping a dedicated focus on maintaining his performance at a Major League level.  Or it could be that the pressure got to him.  Or it could be that once his gimmick rotation wasn’t working he didn’t have a fallback.  Or it could be all three.  Or it could be none of them.  I don’t know. What I do know is that it is sad.

In his time with the Phillies during Spring Training, Dontrelle Willis pitched 2 2/3 innings and racked up an ERA of 827.3.  I may need to check my math on his ERA, but that FEELS right.  In his first appearance with the Orange Birds on Saturday he walked the first three batters he faced.  Though he did manage to get out of the inning only giving up two runs.  Which… counts for something?  So far his time in Baltimore is fitting in with the narrative I have spun here.

I hope I am wrong.  I hope it works out for Dontrelle Willis.  But.  It won’t.  It can’t.  And that is one of the downsides of following this sport.  Players, some with phenomenal talent, flame out.  Dontrelle will likely not be remembered by many people fifteen or twenty years from now.  Maybe not even five.  So, let me bid a preemptive farewell to the D-Train.  The kid with the weird leg-kick and the 1,000 watt smile.  Take care, young man.  You were great.  For a minute.

-Nacko

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